The movie hooligan blog a perfect world radiografia de columna lumbar normal

Well, I better hurry up and review this one before I completely forget. This is one that my partner in crime wanted to watch, so therefore he gave it way way too much of the benefit of the doubt. It’s called first kill and… Ugh. It’s symptomatic of movies these days: a plot that’s complicated as hell, line readings that are a little different than the movies I grew up with, fast editing, faster camerawork (on smeary digital "film")… What else? Some of these modern filmmakers seem to think that the more shaky the camerawork is, the better. Spoiler alert: it’s not. Especially here. I’ll try not to spoil the labyrinthine plot any further, but I will say this: first kill has a complicated plot, but not as complicated as others of its type!

Maybe hollywood’s trying to de-complicate some of these plots!

Oh, another thing all these movies seem to have is at least ten vanity logos up front, after the studio logo. It takes a village to make one of these things, after all. My viewing partner was particularly struck by this one, even though this has been happening for a while now. Ten companies producing these things, thirty-plus executive producers… I don’t know how far it goes back, maybe a couple decades.

Anyway, on to the plot. It all starts with a bullying… Well, first it starts with a guy in a tunnel. He pokes his head up into a bank vault, so clearly he’s up to no good. Next scene: we see a kid playing with some dolls in the lunch room. Even I think he’s ripe for a bullying. Alas, all we’re treated to is one slow-motion fist. Cut to the father. His job? Some type of hedge fund manager, on the make to join the one percent. The one example we get to illustrate his duties? He’s bemoaning these new solar panel stocks, and trying to broker a deal for some good ol’ fashioned petroleum-based ones. Good luck with that, dude. The stuff’s running out, didn’t you hear? The EROI’s going up, not down, dude. Hate to break it to you.

WHEN SUDDENLY… The father finds out his son’s having trouble at school. A guy like that, you’d think he’d just get the kid his own tutor or something. I’ve tried as long as I could to give young darth vader here a pass; he was pretty great in shattered glass, after all. Maybe that was the only one. He does what he can here with the material he’s given. Anyway, he deigns to briefly stop work and give the 99 percent a fighting chance. He’s going to start his long weekend early and take his young douchebag-in-training son on one of those bonding trips upstate. WILL IT GO AS PLANNED???!!!!!!!

I don’t know if I can do this without spoiling the plot too much, so… SPOILER ALERT. The father and son, semi-direct handmaidens of the one percent, drive upstate to where the air is clean, the water is cleaner… And apparently gives rise to supernatural abilities, like tolerance to pain! It does tend to go up in movies, after all. Take my jean-claude van damme example… Ah, skip it. Can’t find the hyperlink to it. The father explains to the son about the transcendent quality of deer hunting, how it made him the man he currently is and what not. And so, they engage in just that. We start to wonder if it’s all some kind of setup. Did the hedge fund manager dad buy a deer in advance? Was it brought to this spot by some sort of courier that would handle that kind of thing? I’m thinking UPS or DHL… Never deal with the locals. Especially when you’re a relatively big time hedge fund mgr. Type and what not. Cut to the chase: a deer is found. They’re about to take aim… But NOT WITH JUST ANY GUN. I plum damn near forgot: they shoot some practice rounds with said valuable gun. Oh, my cans! My precious, antique cans!!! Look what ya done to ’em… Love that. Better quit now while you have the chance, I’m tellin’ ya!

Okay, so we got the deer thing happening. WHEN SUDDENLY… This father and son dyad run across some sort of double cross gone wrong. Two guys are arguing. The one dude shoots the other. Acting quickly, father takes his big, long gun and shoots the other shooter dude. Chaos erupts, emotions are shattered, and… I plum forgot to mention. The stockbroker husband is married to an ER doctor. I think she came along for the ride… Clearly, I didn’t get to this revue early enough. This woman probably fails the famous bechdel test. But to be fair, she’s … SPOILER ALERT… She’s taken hostage later! That’s… That’s at least oscar (TM) (R) (C) – worthy, no? N’est ce pas?

To cut to the chase again… Man! I jump around worse than a heavily edited michael bay movie! We end up in the couple’s summer cabin, and the wife is pulling a bullet out of the guy the father shot. This is where things started breaking down for my viewing partner, but not so much that we had to completely stop the movie. He said "see, I don’t believe that. A doctor can’t take a bullet out of a person like that; I don’t believe that. You could lose your license to practice medicine. You’re only allowed to remove a bullet from someone in a hospital." and so, we find the mortally wounded gunman lying on their couch, recuperating. Here’s where it jumped the shark for me: recovering quickly, the gunman opens an eye. He leaps up, grabs the couple’s kid, holds a knife to his throat and says … Oh, I forgot. A crucial plot detail: there’s a key that gets thrown during the shootout. The kid sees the key, and I guess the father does too. The wounded gunman needs that key. He’s got the knife to the kids’ throat, tells the father that he really, really, really needs that key, then proceeds to find transportation back to the scene. The father convinces the gunman that he should go along for the ride, too. He was probably a lawyer before becoming a hedge fund manager; terribly persuasive.

Now, back to how complicated plots are these days. Now, you’d think a key that important would be for something of national security-level importance. Spoiler alert: not really here! The key leads to the loot from the robbery, and the loot has been stashed at the small town’s local post office. And I couldn’t help but think to myself the usual really? Seriously? Type of deal. I mean, really? Seriously? Does any hardened criminal worth his weight in salt use a drop point so public?

There’s also a thrilling chase through a relatively well maintained dirt road in the forest. The father follows after the pickup truck on a quadmaker 4-wheeler vehicle. You know, the kind that put grandma in the hospital in napoleon dynamite. Again, something about that sweet mountain air and water. Father takes a pretty good header off it at one point, but he knows his stunt falls, and takes the fall without severing his spinal column. Soon enough, he’s back on his feet following chase. All films have fast, michael bay-type cutting these days, but they also will slow down the film for you when there’s a really cool part. In the old days, pause on a VCR worked pretty well, but it was good enough, you know? We knew we couldn’t capture stills from these things, and we were happy with that! These days… Does the father have a tramp stamp (TM) (C) (R)? Apparently! Nah, must be his stunt double. I’ve attached the picture so you can see as well. I don’t know if it all started with 300, but it was in there, too. They would slow down the action at what they felt were key points (in the action), then go back to regular speed. I don’t remember the lord of the rings relying on that too much.

Oh, there’s also a terminator-ish cop in pursuit. SPOILER ALERT: the son, having quickly become a man during the course of this cinematic trial-by-fire, goes all home alone 2 on that cop’s ass. Now, you’d think the cop would be dead after the fall he takes. Spoiler alert: well enough to get the cuffs put on him at the end!

I didn’t even get to the bruce willis character, playing the small town sheriff that isn’t quite what he seems on the surface of things. Yes, bruce willis is in this, starting to attempt these fatherly roles he so didn’t used to play. He initially auditioned for the father role in this. He’s still got it! He can put on the right father wig for the part! Sadly, for whatever reason, just wasn’t meant to be. So, the movie hooligan, if that is your real name, DID YOU LIKE IT? Bottom line time here, man! Get to the damn point already! I can honestly say that I don’t think I liked it. But I did place a hold on it from my local library. I have yet to grab a still from it. Movies like this are trying as hard as they can to be original, if only in execution. This one relies on plot devices that stretch reality a little too far. One last point, SPOILER ALERT: were this a better written script, they would’ve gone the william fichtner in (THE MOVIE) heat where the crooks end up stealing some of hedge fund manager hayden christensen’s money, or somehow christensen’s wheelings and dealings have caused the town to go into default, and is now being run by a ruthless "city manager" type that seems to be popping up everywhere… But this is so not that movie.